Portrait of an LBX

By Evan

I just wanted to write a quick post to let everybody know what’s going on with us. The more substantive posts about our LBX activities will be coming soon. Thankfully, the weather cooperated with us on our last three cycling days (all over 100 km — real killers), and we pulled into Shenzhen right on schedule. Thanks to Andy’s friend Marissa and her roommates Arte and Alex, we had a comfortable place to rest in the old deep ditch (深圳). Yesterday morning bright and early we passed into the bright light of Hong Kong with a day to spare on my residence permit, on a dedicated mission to crank out some long term visas.

We had heard that six month visas were possible, and accordingly we cut a B line to the visa agency of Linda Hui. Mrs. Hui told us that US nationals could indeed process 6 month visas, and French nationals 3 month visas, but with one prickly little caveat: we have to leave the country every 3o days (每三十天都必須出境), no exceptions at all. In a panic, we ran to several other visa agencies, called everybody we knew, and generally freaked out. In the end, the owner of our hotel processed a 3 month, no required exit visa for Alexis for 400 HKD (~$51 USD). Being a US citizen, I was forced to accept a very bitter solution: 6 month tourist visa, 30 day stays, 1700 HKD ($220). This, of course, means that I will have to take a bus from wherever we are to Shenzhen every god$@*& #*~’ing 30 days to walk across the border, buy a sugar free Oolong tea in a 7-11, and walk back across into Shenzhen. The words “arbitrary” and “wasteful” were flashing before my eyes as I accepted the stupidest of solutions before dowsing my anger with expensive beers (what was I just saying about “arbitrary” and “wasteful”?) with Andy and our old pal Drayton.

Finally through a combination of various reliable sources, I came to find out that two factors are primarily responsible for this catastrophic stupidity. First, the Shanghai Expo is coming up in a few months, and in the spirit of international hospitality, China has decided to resume its Olympic visa crackdowns to make it as difficult as possible for foreigners to visit their stupid country. A very stupid conversation with the Fujian-native owner of our hotel revealed the second reason.

“France and China are good friends right now. The US and China are not good friends. Your president met with that person from Xinjiang, eh, you know, the one with the Falungong, and we’re not happy about that.” Me: “are you talking about the Dalai Lama?” “Yes, that’s the one! Our president, Hu, Hu, Hu, eh… Hu Jintao! Yes, Hu Jintao, he’s very angry about that, and now it’s very difficult for Americans to get visas. Just a month ago, I could have processed a 6 month or even a 12 month visa for you with no required 30 day exits, but now it’s impossible.” My mental ticker started flashing words like “petty” and “inane” in big bright letters.

It’s so hard to describe my relationship with China to people who aren’t here. It’s so crazy to love a place so much and at the same time loathe its system with every fiber of my being! As I tell Alexis all the time, China is our cruel, cruel mistress, the one who makes us miserable to the core but whom we can’t bring ourselves to throw out because we are so intertwined in the allure of her endless, profound mysteries. Am I dramaticizing the visa process a little too much here? Probably. That said, this stupidity is about the one millionth straw of resentment piled onto the back of what we already bear in the greatest love-hate relationship of my life.

Incidentally, I found out after I had already paid for the dumb 30 day entry visa that I could have processed an F visa, flown to Shanghai, paid 6000-7500 RMB (~$880-1100 USD) in what absolutely must boil down to a straight bribe (in the good old days you could extend your damn F visa for a few hundred RMB through a sketchy dude who’d take your passport to Qingdao… where are the low-cost corrupt officials when you need them?) to extend it 6 months to a year. At the outset of our trip, we knew that our biggest hassle, more than the physical strain, the cultural overload, the maintenance of the bikes, food poisoning, and unintentionally malevolent Chinese hospitality, would be the $*#@’ing government, and oh boy, but they have not let us down. It’s absolutely mind boggling to think that the price I paid for my top-notch touring bike, $1100, is the price I may have to pay to be legally permitted to finish the stupid trip. GAAAAAAAH!

Thankfully though, Hong Kong is — as always — absolutely what we needed. This city is without doubt objectively (that’s right, I said it) one of the best places in the world, but the fact that I always end up coming here after long stretches in oppressive commie-land just makes it that much better. It’s as though we have been eating stale white bread laced with dog poop for months, and then suddenly we cross a magical border and are fed chocolate cake. Again, that’s over-dramatic, and rural China is actually a wonderful place, but seriously it’s just plain nice to be the hell out of there for a while. As I write this post from the closet room with a view over the harbor I’ve rented in Mirador Mansions, I’ve got a belly full of samosas and hummus and am still slightly hungover from our high quality beer rampage last night through Wanchai where we ended up smoking hookah with a group of drunk Polish mink farmers. All in all, we definitely lead charmed lives, and 99% of the time, I couldn’t possibly wish for life to be any different from what it is now. And with that, I’m going to finish my bottle of Naked fruit juice and run out to revel in more Cantonese glory!